I think every dog owner who reaches out for help has one thing in common: they all want a better relationship with their dog. They each sense a disconnect from their dog and they’re looking for help bridging that gap. After all, we get dogs to be a companion, someone to share couch cuddles and adventures and everything in between. When that relationship is out of whack, we feel it.
The interesting thing about improving your relationship with your dog is that it’s a bit counterintuitive—it’s not entirely what you’d expect. Here are three factors to address to improve your relationship with your dog:
Communication
This one probably comes at no surprise—every kind of relationship needs good communication! Communication is a common issue with our dogs because, well, we’re not dogs and they’re not humans! The best way to improve your communication is to partner with a professional dog trainer who can teach both you and your dog what you need to know in order to clarify your communication, but if that’s not an option for you, there’s a lot you can do on your own. One thing you can start doing immediately to improve your communication with your dog is to stop talking so much. This is tough to do because we humans communicate primarily with words, but the less you talk, the more you’ll need to use your body language, facial expressions, and spatial pressure to communicate—and all of these come more naturally to your dog.
Leadership
We all want to think of our dogs as our BFFs, but our dogs need a bit more from us than just friendship. Dogs come with no intuitive knowledge of how to be a family pet. They don’t intuitively know the rules of our world, such as: no jumping on people, you have to come when called, don’t pee anywhere but outside, walk politely on the leash, no paws on the table, don’t chew inappropriate items, etc. Dogs are often labeled as wild and unruly, but in actuality, the dog just hasn't been taught how to be a pet! Think of it this way: You are your dog’s guide to our human world. You know all the rules and the expectations. If you don’t teach and guide your dog, how will he ever know? Taking the leadership role improves your relationship with your dog because he comes to learn that you can be trusted to guide him. You’ll make all the hard decisions; all he has to do is follow your lead!
Accountability
This is perhaps the most counterintuitive of all. Holding your dog accountable for her behavior choices means consistently telling her “no” in a meaningful way when she makes the wrong choice, and telling her “yes” in a meaningful way when she makes the right choice. What this does for your dog is it dramatically clarifies what they are and aren’t supposed to be doing. When you provide this accountability consistently, your dog starts making better choices and when your dog is behaving better, you are happier with your dog! It’s a win-win.
